My life was a fraud for 27 years. Throughout my life I’ve never been the first person to start doing something I knew was wrong but I’ve certainly never had a problem with it either.
I am one of many people who attended my particular local church since their birth. I also attended a Christian school for six years. I knew the gospel early on in my life.
I thought I was saved when I prayed “the prayer” at five years of age. It wasn’t until I started attending public school in sixth grade that I immediately realized I wasn’t any different than the other kids and that I wasn’t saved. I lived the next two years of my life not having any concern for God.
During the summer of 1994 at a junior high school church camp I was confronted with my sin and the fact that I was destined for hell and again asked Jesus to forgive my sins. That only lasted two weeks when I realized it wasn’t real and that I had attempted to purchase “fire insurance”.
I continued to live my life for myself. I wasn’t a terrible kid but I knew I was a sinner. I knew I needed forgiveness to avoid hell. I knew I couldn’t be good enough for Jesus to save me. I just wasn’t willing to turn my life over to him.
Life continued. I got married. We had a son. I wasn’t prepared for either. I was selfish. Marriage and parenting don’t work well when you’re selfish. I was a bad husband and father. I wasn’t happy. About the only thing that made me happy was a mutual friendship with another couple, but that friendship was not focused on Christ; it was focused on us. It eventually fell apart. I was left with a marriage I had started warming to and a child I had not fully invested myself in.
Somewhere along the way my wife and I had passed each other in our relationship. By the time I realized I loved my wife my marriage was over. I felt like God had taken away the only thing I cared about and I was devastated.
In the summer of 2008, after years of intentionally refusing to contemplate any spiritual questions I found myself in desperate need of answers. One of my biggest questions was whether or not God was real. I just couldn’t understand how you can know he’s real if you can’t see him. So I read the gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. And I talked to friends. And as I was reading I realized that all I ever needed to know about God was written right there in front of me in my Bible. I just needed to have faith that it was all true.
That’s when it all came together for me. I believed that the Bible was true. So that means that everything written in it is true. If it says everyone has sinned then that must be true. If it says the penalty for sin is going to hell that must be true. If you put two and two together it doesn’t look good for sinners. But it says that even though we are sinners Christ died us for; God loved us so much He sent His son to be crucified by the very people whose sins that act would forgive. It says the gift of God is eternal life in heaven. And importantly it says, “if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.”
I confessed my sin to my Lord. I placed my faith and trust in Him. I’m confident he has forgiven me. The old sins of my past have fallen away. I strive to live each day for Him. I can now see the huge difference between knowing what the Bible says while living a selfish life and believing God’s Word, loving Him, and living for Him.
While I was searching for answers one of my church’s elders shared with me a verse that says whoever believes in Jesus will not be disappointed. I can verify the absolute truth to that verse.
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